UK is in Kentucky?

As the oldest of six kids, I'm know I'm under close watch -- not in a bad way, just in the sense that there are five sets of little eyes constantly waiting to see what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it, and (hopefully) ready to learn from the things I mess up. I step back from time to time and try to think about how I can set the best example for all of them; what I can do to help set them up for success is this crazy, fast-paced world; and how I can encourage them to take off running towards what they really want to do in life.

It's not always easy being hundreds -- more often, thousands -- of miles away from them for 50 weeks out of year, and even with cell phones, texting, and the magic of Skype, I still haven't figured out a way to tele-port myself to my sister's soccer games....not even when her team won regionals this year.  But every once in a while one of them will do or say something that brings a huge smile to my face and lets me know I'm doing something right.

This note from my mom today definitely was definitely one of those happy occasions...

Shirah, I'm reading your blog right now. Raam just walked up and saw the UK’s Patterson Tower title under the pic you posted and he asked, “UK...Wait is that the Ukraine or United Kingdom Patterson Tower?”  I said, “Neither, it’s the University of Kentucky’s Patterson Tower.”  Pretty neat how all of your traveling has opened up his world.  

I left home when Raam was just 5 years old; I think all he's really known is a big sister who's constantly in strange, faraway places with weird names, always bringing home odd toys and souvenirs.  I never thought about it before, but we should really sign this kid up for a geography contest.  I LOVE that he has such a global perspective already at this age!

"Kid History" Short Films

The themes of my blog posts are definitely indicative of both my current mental state and physical location.  Already two posts about kids this week...Can you guess where I am?
Home, with my five younger siblings, of course.

They always have some hilarious youtube video that they're absolutely dying to show me. Half the time I'm thinking, how do they come across these things anyway? Inevitably, it's a friend of a friend who's cousin showed them the video on an iPhone while at a sleepover for some sports team....or something equally complex. But most of the time they do turn out to be pretty funny, if you can get past the initial oddity.

These are the latest in my fourteen-year-old sister's youtube discoveries...
Give these short films a try; they just might make you laugh!

Where Children Sleep

Every so often a book comes along that really captures the soul of its subject.  James Mollison's Where Children Sleep does just that, and in an unconventional way -- by photographing the bedrooms of children around the world.

I read this NYTimes article about Mollison's new book, and, after browsing through the sneak peek photo gallery, look forward to purchasing a hard copy of the tome.

P.S.....I hear the cover's glow-in-the-dark.  All the more reason to add it to your library!!

July 2011 - A Whirlwind of Excitement!

It's hard to believe that it's been practically an entire month since I've updated No Journey Wasted!  I appreciate the concerned notes from family and friends, but I don't want you to worry -- I've really been quite well (and busy!) and just haven't had a chance to upload any of the hundreds of pictures I've taken during my recent trips to Kiev, to Yalta (in the Crimea region of Ukraine), and to Chisinau (Moldova).  These have all been fantastic journeys during which I've met wonderful, interesting people; been confronted by a mixture of beautiful scenery and impoverished peoples; and experienced some events that I will surely never forget.  Among these: Watching dolphins in the tranquil, early morning waters off the Black Sea coast in Yalta; Playing cards all night in the train with an adorable Moldovan girl and her ballerina mother on the way back to Odessa from Simferopol, Ukraine; and randomly meeting one of my best childhood friends who was vacationing in Odessa while on leave from his deployment in Afghanistan.  Life continues to be full of surprises!

Sunday Afternoons

Sunday has always been family day. In Medford we'd always go to church together, the eight of us taking up an entire row of seats.  Mom likes to sit near the front so we'd get there early to grab seats and then hang out for at least an hour after the service, mom and dad chatting it up with friends while the six of us spent some quality sibling time....teasing, poking, laughing, dog-piling, joking, telling stories, lounging, etc.

Developing Your Child's Self-Efficacy

While sifting through studies exploring the antecedents of entrepreneurial intent, I came across some statements that might help answer questions for some parents I've talked with recently. Although the following paragraph is cited in the context of an academic study, think about how the message would fit into a more personal, developmental context -- specifically, the development of your own kids or kids you often interact with.

"Actual abilities only matter if a person has self-confidence in those abilities, and also the self-confidence that they will able to effectively convert those skills into a chosen outcome (Bandura, 1989, 1997). Evidence suggests that general self-efficacy is central to most human functioning and is based more on what people believe than on what is objectively true (Markham et al, 2002)."

I get a lot of questions from people curious as to what my parents did that triggered something that drives me to succeed -- or at least try to -- in pursuits that they claim most people my age wouldn't think about and/or wouldn't try.  There are a lot of factors here, but two seem most relevant: (1) personality traits, and (2) family orientation.  


A lot of people who hear my story say, "I wish I could get my kid to do the same thing."  I think that what these parents are most often trying to say is, "I'd love to see my teenager seek out similar opportunities," but what they usually (perhaps unknowingly) convey in their attitude and speech patterns is a disappointment in their child, or a personal doubt in their child's capability of following through with projects similar to the ones I'm tackling.   I've always felt a little saddened by conversations like this, and I think that if parents could just see themselves on film, having this conversation with me, it might give them the answer to what they perceive as their children's "under-achievement" and "lack of motivation." 

I don't think I possessed any extraordinary abilities or intelligence that made me any more capable than most other 15 year-olds to sign themselves up to study abroad.  What I did have was an inextinguishable belief that I really could do it. 
I had self-efficacy.
And according to Markham et al., this counts for a lot, because general self-efficacy is central to most human functioning and is based more on what people believe than on what is objectively true.  

"So what" that I had never flown before.  "So what" that I'd never touched a passport, much less owned one.  "So what" that the only official paperwork I'd ever filled out was an application for a Safeway Club Card.  According to Markham, my belief deep down inside that I was capable was more important than any training I might have received on how to go about studying abroad.  It's that deep down belief that would drive me to spend 100+ hours researching different organisations, perfecting application essays, and conjugating French verbs.  It's that deep down belief that led me to work three jobs for over a year and save every cent for the trip.  


So where does family fit into this?  In my opinion, parents play a big role in developing self-efficacy in their children.  You are the ones they look up to the most from a young age, so your continued attention to and support of their every hope and dream will allow for them to blossom into confident teenagers with an ability to make and achieve goals.

I think that a unique and wonderful gift to me has been the fact that my parents have never told me, "You can't..." in response to an idea I've had or a trip I've wanted to take.  They may say, "we can't afford to sponsor this trip," "we can't go with you," "we can't wait 'til you get home," but they've never said, "No way, you can't do that." Instead, their response to my (sometimes naive and crazy ambitious) new ideas has always been, "That sounds really interesting, you could do that," and sometimes, "Okay, great.  Have you also considered....?"  

Just try it.  The next time your kid proposes an idea for a project, idea, or career they're interested in, listen to them.  Support the constructive brain activity that went into crafting the concept.  Tell them they could do it!  Then let that affirmation soak in.  After you've established your approval, consider diplomatically voicing your rational concerns or suggesting some new perspectives and alternatives. This is a surefire way to support the development of self-efficacy.


I'll leave you with a last encouraging word from the researchers....

"Research...has consistently emphasized the importance of self-efficacy as a key factor in determining human agency (Bandura, 1989), and has shown that those with high self-efficacy for a certain task are more likely to pursue and persist in that task (Bandura, 1997)."

So today's take-away:  If you want your kids to study abroad, make them think they can do it!!


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Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor, nor a child psychologist.  These are theories from my own experience and observation, and I will be glad to explain them further, but you should not sue me if your own attempt to test my theories ends in disaster.

"The Seduction of Achievement"

The sermon this morning at Crosspoint was on the tendency to fall prey to chasing after success and achievement at all costs.  Our society is largely performance-based; we learn from a young age that desirable behaviour and small accomplishments are met with praise from our parents.  Or, for some, they go through childhood doing everything to try to gain that parental nod of approvement, but no matter how much they achieve, they never get it.  I count myself lucky to be in the first group.

Either way, there is a lot of emphasis placed on achieving, progressing, succeeding.  Success isn't inherently bad, but, as one psychologist put it, "Achievement is the drug of our time."  A society of people whose identities are success-based is doomed to produce workaholics, people addicted to the high of achieving grand things.  I certainly thrive on the excitement of setting goals, working hard to achieve them, and watching them come to fruition, but I don't do it at the expense of a balanced life.  I work really hard to not let my days become focused on what I'm doing and what I hope to achieve, but rather on the people and relationships that bring so much joy to my day.

But one statement that Pastor Pete made this morning really stuck with me.

He said, "God didn't make a human-doing, he made a human-being." Sometimes we need to stop, take a deep breath, smell the roses, hug our loved ones, and leave that next big pursuit for another day.  At the end of it all, we shouldn't find our identity in our status, the title we've attained, the company we work for, the deals we've closed, the dollars we've banked.  Life is so much more. 


"And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process?"
Matthew 16:26

Imagination

“Most people’s imaginations don’t have limits. As we grow older, we stop daydreaming and our minds stop wandering. When your mind wanders, it comes home with interesting things found along the way. Remember the value of imagining; the knowledge that when you look around, everything you see was once imagined at some time by somebody.”
                           -- Neil Gaiman, author

These jellyfish seem rather imaginative

A Tribute to Uncle Luie

While I was growing up, my parents welcomed a few single college students from our church to live with us at different times.  As a college student myself now, I can see the benefits of living with a family, and as a kid back then, it was wonderful to have someone fun and cool in the house.  

I was just four or five when Luis moved in.  He was from Spain, loved car racing and traveling, had a big Spanish flag on his wall, and a futon with a nice warm black and white blanket covering.  My brothers and I adored him.  Every morning he would get up at six am and make a fruit smoothie before heading out the door.  He'd pick us up and let us sit on the counter while he peeled bananas, threw in strawberries, and blended that sucker up.  And we always got a little cup of smoothie leftovers.  

It was sad for us when Uncle Luie moved out, but we'll always have a special place in our hearts for him.

All these great memories came flooding back this weekend as I looked through the wedding photos of Luis and his new wife, Natalie.  They got married just a few days ago, and I couldn't be happier for them!  We haven't seen Uncle Luie since we moved to Oregon ten years ago, but we hope to catch up with Luis and Natalie soon!

Congratulations Luis & Natalie!

The Tooth Fund

My parents have been so gracious about helping me transition into all the financial responsibilities that come with leaving the nest and starting my own adult life.  They still cover my cell phone (thanks to my sneaking onto the "Family Plan" before leaving to college) as well as auto and health insurance, and they take care of pretty much all my expenses while I'm home during the summer.  But last year was a big step in this transitional process of breaking away financially: I started to take on my own dental expenses. 

And I've come to the conclusion that this very well could be the best thing that ever happens to my teeth.  I have adopted an entirely new approach to tooth care; I think about my teeth all the time.  And I've become a steady three-times-daily brusher.  I floss every night, and I'm religious about using the tongue scraper and those little metal dental picks that you can use to check for any remaining plaque on your teeth.  I've noticed that I pay attention more to how much sugar I eat, and I've started to feel anxious about brushing my teeth after eating a treat.  


I hope I'm not making this sound like an obsession -- don't worry, it's not.  I'm just more aware of those little white fixtures in my mouth because I've realized their power to drain my pocketbook!  I've been blessed with a great set of chompers -- they grew in straight without braces, not too big or too small, they seem to be pretty stain-resistant, and most of my molars even have four roots (something my dentist says is pretty rare).  I've had exactly one cavity in my life up till now, and now that I'm having to budget for dental work and draw from my Tooth Fund to get a few small ones filled, I've found myself becoming more gung-ho about preventative measures.  


It makes me wonder what other small facets of life will become more significant as I take on more and more of those obscure living costs to which kids are oblivious.  

One Step Closer

An email I received this morning brings me one step closer to my life-long dream of working for the U.S. Department of State.

Earlier this summer I applied for an internship in the Bureau of European and Eurasian Affairs for Spring 2011.  I was feeling good about my application until I realized that the Statement of Interest I had spent so much time developing exceeded the word limit by more than 200%.  I had to cut it down from 3 pages to about 3/4 of a page.  I was extraordinarily disappointed; I felt that the full version of my interest statement perfectly expressed my goals, skills, and personality.  After hastily deleting over two-thirds of the document in an attempt to submit my painstakingly prepared application before the deadline, my confidence in my chances of being selected for the program was depleted considerably.

Fast forward two months: It's August and I'm thinking about the school year ahead.  Just two days ago, I was mulling over my options for Russia next spring and feeling stressed by my situation.  It's somewhat of a Catch-22.  I simply don't have the funds to pay the travel and tuition expenses for a semester of studying abroad; I have been unsuccessful at obtaining an internship that might cover those costs; I have relentlessly applied for scholarships but have not been awarded a single cent; and yet I must study abroad during Spring 2011 in order to complete my thesis so that I can return to Belmont and complete certain classes that are only offered in a certain sequence and during certain semesters.  If one little piece of this complex puzzle goes array, I will fail to graduate on time.  It would be an understatement to say that this has been a slightly stressful process.

I finally came to the conclusion that I cannot do this alone.  I told God that if he wants me to go to Russia, then he will have to provide me a means of getting there because as of right now all I have are dead ends.

This morning I sat down to check my email after a dentist appointment that went surprisingly well. (Apparently I have good tooth genes, who knew!?)  I had one new message.  The subject line read: Spring 2011 Russia Internship.  I've applied to hundreds of companies, agencies, and organizations, so emails like this are common and rarely fruitful.  I opened it without a second thought.  It wasn't until my eyes landed on "possible spring 2011 internship with the State Department Mission Russia" that I became riveted to the screen. My jaw dropped and I thought, IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

Apparently it is. I have a phone interview tomorrow and I am thoroughly excited, to say the least.
Nervous? Perhaps a little. But I know that as soon as I have a chance to talk with the interviewer, the passion that I have for discovering new languages and cultures, for facilitating youth exchange programs, for fighting poverty through small business, for learning about foreign policy and foreign governments....my passion for these issues will come through in my voice and they'll know they picked the right person.

So here I am, one step closer to living the dream of a little 14-year-old girl that decided she would work as a Foreign Service Officer one day. Some dreams do come true, I hope.

Life's Foundation

"Childhood is the ground on which we will 

walk for our whole life."

Lya Luft