Relocating, and Other Stories from Public Transportation

Many of my most memorable experiences did not take place at a destination.  It's always the getting there, the journey, that incurs the most fun.  Well, at least what I call fun.  You might call it hell.  It's all a matter of perspective.

The first time I visited Finland, I traveled by ferry boat from St. Petersburg, Russia to Helsinki.  Having hopped off at the ferry terminal and walked just a few blocks to the Russian Embassy to renew my visa, I distinctly remember hauling my luggage back out of the consular office, down a tree-lined street, sitting down in the sun on some giant moss-covered rocks, looking out over the Baltic sea on the horizon and the Helsinki city skyline, and deciding right then and there:  I'm going to live here someday.  I had been there only four hours when my heart - not my rational brain - seemed to commit itself to a pursuit of residence in Finland.  

That was in April 2010.  I wouldn't actually move to Helsinki to start my master degree until September 2012, but when I finally arrived I wasn't all that surprised to be back.  It just seemed right.  I struggled financially as a student there, working and studying 16-18 hours a day for the first year and still barely making ends meet.  But nevertheless I was genuinely happy.  I was exactly where I dreamed of being, in an incredibly beautiful city built around forest and sea and archipelago.  My school offered amazing facilities and opportunities at the low cost of free tuition, and my classmates were creative and inspiring.  And during that first year and a half I grew more in my personal life than I had since my first international move to Belgium six years prior: amid my intense lack of resources, I learned to rely on God completely for provision and in the process grew more spiritually than I ever had before.  It was in Helsinki, walking each evening along the seashore or riding a city bus across bridges connecting islands, that I found a quiet place -- not only externally but somewhere inside my own heart and mind. As I began to avail myself of those moments in solitude, I developed a habit of praying through everything that was going on in my life, laying it all out there in conversation with God.  And for the first time in my life, in that quiet place my ears became attuned to God's voice, to what he was saying, doing, and teaching.  I began to see my prayers answered in incredible ways, far beyond what I had requested.  I thought to myself, God will never take me away from Finland; this is my sanctuary. 

If there was one gift I could give to my children

If there was one gift I could give to my children, it would be the ability to find contentment.

It's not the same thing as simply wanting them to be content. 

The contentment we most often speak of in western society is fleeting, temporary.  It depends on my ability to satiate my child's desires and it is often fueled by commodities.  If you begin to chase it, it may well turn into an eternal rat-race.  But the ability to be content - that is a sustainable, renewable resource.  And it originates in them, not me.

Kaivopuistonranta, Helsinki (2014)

On the Front Lines: Changing Minds Proves More Challenging than Changing Borders & Administrations

As I read through Geraldine Brooks' Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women, I am continuously surprised by the riveting, intimate stories of women whom I imagine are just like me in many ways. And women whom I imagine could be good friends of mine. Women who are strong and beautiful, driven and courageous.  And yet, while some of my greatest struggles are in proving the worthiness of my ideas and concepts, turning these into a profitable business that will provide for my living, these young women are often struggling to prove that they themselves are worthy of simply living as individuals with a brain and will.

This post is in honor of International Women's Day.

Jenny Matthews/Panos

As I continue to seek out transitional environments -- traveling to observe first-hand when I can; reading and interviewing about them when I can't -- I continue to find evidence that laws and constitutions and job titles and borders are not the biggest challenge facing those who seek progress.

Deeply ingrained cultural ideas and traditions are much, much more difficult to challenge.


The following excerpts from Brooks' Nine Parts of Desire reflect her experiences during six years in the Middle East as a foreign correspondent for the Wall Street Journal.  In this story out of northern Africa, we watch women fight and prove their physical equality and strength of character, then return home only to fight again -- this time against oppressive cultural traditions.  Like so many of the transitional regions I've lived in, the story of Eritrea reveals that cultural and ideological walls are much more difficult to break down than walls of brick and mortar.

"The internet is where people are."

"One year ago I left the internet. I thought it was making me unproductive. I thought it lacked meaning. I thought it was 'corrupting my soul.' It's a been a year now since I "surfed the web" or "checked my email" or "liked" anything with a figurative rather than literal thumbs up. I've managed to stay disconnected, just like I planned. I'm internet free. And now I'm supposed to tell you how it solved all my problems. I'm supposed to be enlightened. I'm supposed to be more 'real,' now. More perfect.  But instead ..."  - Paul Miller

If you’re like me, you’ve found that constantly updated web content is the archenemy of productivity. You may have struggled through the past decade of an increasingly web-based lifestyle, trying to find the right balance between living in the real and virtual worlds.  As a perpetual traveler, I go through phases of intensive internet usage in an attempt to maintain relationships with family and friends on the other side of the globe.  At other times, I disappear from the net completely, leaving loved ones to ponder my e-footprints while I’m off cavorting with indigenous peoples in the depths of yet-to-be-networked hinterlands.

These profound changes of environment have turned me into an "all or nothing" internet user.  It's either completely absent and irrelevant to my lifestyle - or I'm constantly connected.  And I've been all too connected during my past eight months in grad school.

When I read Paul Miller’s story, a lot of his motivation to leave the internet resonated with me.  But by the end of his odyssey-like essay, I was convinced that my presence and interactions online are a largely positive force in my life and for others.  The internet is where people are.  I have a passion for encouraging people; if I hope to make the most of this gift, I need to be where people are.

"Return of the Sun"

This week Finland has been aglow with the return of that beautiful orange orb that apparently still exists, though I almost began to fear it had permanently burned out during these past few months.

Greenland is also seeing the return of the sun. Earlier and earlier each year as of late, it seems.  Enjoy these four minutes of magic ...


Return of the Sun from Glen Milner on Vimeo.

Are you doing what YOU really want, or simply what's expected of you?

Earlier this semester I asked one of the strategy program directors if he could recommend someone who's worked in a variety of positions and different size companies around strategy development. Strategy is an intimidatingly broad field and it's a challenge to even speculate where one might fit best in the strategy 'careerscape'.  In the email, I told my director I'd be interested in sitting down to chat with someone about the practicalities and day-to-day activities of their work in various positions.

My question prompted a dialogue which turned into the idea behind what will become a series of roundtable discussions with alumni from our program and other professionals we invite. The first roundtable was yesterday, when we welcomed nine strategy students and three alumni to the Aalto Design Factory for a two-hour conversation.

Lesson 2

Over the past two weeks I've learned that I need very little to be happy. I have three changes of clothes. I have three pairs of socks. I have ten rubber bands, two pens, and a pretty little notebook to keep my thoughts. I have soap to keep myself clean and lotion to keep myself protected from the sun which shines down so strong here on the roof of the world. 

I most look forward to the sound of my little boys waking up in the morning; drinking hot milk tea in the kitchen with them while jostling for a place in the standing-room-only radius of the fire underneath our 20-gallon pot of breakfast; and reading my Bible on the patio in the warm sun with the neighboring snowy peaks in view.  

I feel a sense of accomplishment when I see my hand-washed laundry hung up on the line and blowing in the wind; when I hear my Sherpa boys using English words in conversations with each other; when I sprint up the side of a mountain which I used to climb slowly and laboriously; and when I succeed in communicating a new or more complex thought in Nepali.

I find myself smiling at the sight of water flowing out of the faucet in the yard; grinning hugely when I see that it's clean and clear; and practically jumping up and down with joy when the pipes are in tact and a hot shower is available thanks to the solar panel coils mounted on the roof.  I find myself marveling at the multi-functional nature of pine needles: their ability to keep weeds to a minimum when spread between the plants in a vegetable garden; their ultra-comfortability as a cushion for yaks, cows, and horses to sleep on when the soil around is hard and rocky; and their convenient use as a moisture and odor absorber in our wooden hole-in-the-ground outhouse.

My rent at Pema Choling is $150 per week. This is exorbitant for the region and most of this money is a donation to the monastic school. A room for a tourist in the region costs no more than $2 per night; a hot shower - if available - no more than $3; and each meal between $2-$5.  Not to mention that I am here as a teacher, an occupation which - at the school in the next village over - earns 8000 rupees ($93) per month.  I could live here as a king on $3000 a year. 

Life at Pema Choling is so simple, but meaningful because in the simplicity no change of circumstance goes unnoticed and every small joy is magnified.

A New Home in the Clouds

Several times today I stopped and thought about how this entire experience seems surreal.  I had no idea what to expect, but when our plane soared out of the clouds and I saw those first snow-capped peaks my heart jumped and I was instantly elated to be here.  Arriving in Lukla and walking to Pema Choling has been like climbing a ladder to the top of the world. They say that Lukla is the gateway to the Everest region, but I'm convinced that it's the gateway to heaven. 

The day started early for us - by 4 AM we were packing up at the hostel and headed for the airport. Today is Monday, May 28th and the deadline for Nepal's General Assembly to have written the country's new constitution. Strikes have been declared daily for over a month - a cry out by various ethnic groups who want to have their voices heard and rights secured in the constitution. By 4:30 AM we were in the car with Bhagwan, who informed us that a constitution had not magically materialized overnight and no one knows what will happen next. The country is in a state of limbo. No one was out making a ruckus in the streets at 5 AM, but as we were walking into the airport terminal we heard several (at least 6 or 7) distinctive gun shots.  All we were thinking is that if Kathmandu is about to break out in a revolution, we picked the right time to head for the hills. 

Nate, Emma, Joanna and I were on the first flight of the day. The 40 minute flight from Kathmandu offered our first breathtaking views of the Himalayas. I was a little concerned when the pilot appeared to be using a Garmin GPS system to navigate. It was sort of a crash landing, but we survived. 

Having claimed our baggage, we looked around for Dawa, the RCDP coordinator in Lukla who was supposed to meet us at the airport. He wasn't any of the seven guides and porters trying to sell their services to us right outside the one-room-shack terminal, but when one of them heard we were looking for Dawa he said, "Oh. Yes. I know Dawa. I take you him. Come!"
And so we followed him into one of the many guest houses overlooking the airport, where we were introduced to a man who reacted as if he were expecting us.  

Dawa invited us to sit down and we ordered breakfast in what we learned was his guest house and restaurant.  I decided the yak cheese omelet was exactly what I needed to fuel up for the day of walking ahead. Once we were settled Dawa walked to one of the many windows lining the lodge and said, "This is good, you come early.  See the clouds, the weather is changing quickly and no more flights will come in today." Landing in Lukla requires being able to see the runway, and apparently - due to exceptionally cloudy weather - we'd gotten on the first flight that was able to land during the past five days.  Many others had teased passengers by getting so close and then having to turn around right before Lukla, as heavy clouds obscured the huge himals through which the plane would have to navigate.

It wasn't until about 15 minutes into our breakfast with Dawa that we realized we had the wrong Dawa. But in the end, no harm done, because the Dawa we were looking for is married to this Dawa's sister. 

"Ohhh...you are looking for my brother in law," Dawa finally concluded.

Our Dawa was in Namche for the day, but we called his cell phone and he said he'd send us the porters.  "Porters" are what they call the Sherpas who carry loads of gear, food, wooden planks - and just about anything else you can imagine - up, down, and through the precarious mountain trails.  These small men with incredible stamina are vital to the region's economy, as none of these trails are conducive to motorized vehicles & helicopter landings are expensive and require flat landing areas (and if you can't tell by my photos, flat land is scarce in these parts).

You can imagine our surprise when the porters that showed up were mere kids! Our one week of intensive language courses equipped us to find out at least names, ages, and hometowns, revealing that Simba was 16 years old and the smaller boy Babu was only 13.  I honestly didn't think it possible at first, and was constantly astounded as Simba and Babu practically bounced over the steep, rocky mountain trails with loads of over 90 pounds each.  They carried these loads - consisting of 2 of our big packs strapped together - for over 6 hours! 

We stopped in the village of Ghat for lunch, at Dawa's house, which is also a guest house and the place where Emma will be staying. She'll be teaching English at the primary school just 5 minutes up the hill, along with Adriana, an Australian girl whose been here for a week.  Emma is adorable; I miss her already! She's 22, my age, and originally from Chonqing - a province in southwestern China.  Emma just finished her bachelor degree at a university in Hong Kong, and this fall she'll be moving to Bloomington, Indiana to start a five-year PhD program in Math.  Her uncle is a professor at the University of Oregon, so after our trekking adventures to Namche, Everest, and other places here in Khumbu, I'm looking forward to traveling with Emma again when she comes to visit her aunt and uncle - and now me, too! - in Oregon.  

After lunch Nate, Joanna and I continued our trek with Simba and Babu, finally reaching the monastery around 4 PM. The last hill, from the river at the bottom of the valley up to the monastery, was especially grueling. It was quite an exciting and equally exhausting day!  

Welcome to the New, Flat World

Thomas Friedman, political journalist--turned 21st century philosopher, brings us his thought-provoking thesis on globalization in this video from MIT. 
I've read several chapters of his revolutionary book, The World is Flat, as well as most of another, The Lexus and the Olive Tree.

 

In an Information Systems for Business course I took last semester, I was challenged to think about the following questions while listening to Friedman's lecture. These are themes I'd been periodically mulling over for a while, so I welcomed this opportunity to draw a few conclusions and support them with anecdotes from my own experience.

What does a flattened world mean for you as a student looking for employment in the near future? 
A flattened world puts each of us as individuals in direct competition with the rest of the world for jobs. As Thomas Friedman mentioned, everything can be (and is being) outsourced.

2011: Where We've Been

After work one Friday, a few weeks ago, I literally collapsed.  I sat down on my living room couch around 6pm - for what seemed like the first time in ages - and within minutes had fallen asleep. At 9am the next day I finally awoke, figured out where I was, and was astonished to realize how tired I had become.

I started to piece two and two together when thinking about the past year in review, as I always tend to do when December 1st comes around.  I've covered so many thousands of miles this year, and I'm so thankful for all for your notes of encouragement and support through all the journeys.  Let's see where we've been!

1. Belgium...I was here with my beloved Belgian host family the entire, wonderful month of January. What an incredible time to rekindle old friendships and reminisce on the life-changing experiences I shared with them in 2006-2007.
2. Spain...Meeting up with old friends from my exchange year in Belgium was one of the highlights of my travels in western Europe this year.  Victoria, from Britain, was studying abroad in Zaragoza, Spain this spring and invited me to visit!

Lexington & the UK PhD in Management

This weekend I enjoyed a trip to Lexington, Kentucky, where I had the chance to learn more about a PhD program at the University of Kentucky's Gatton School of Management. My specific area of interest is in social network analysis, and Gatton has some of the world's leading researchers in this field; it was such a treat to spend the day getting to know them, hearing about their current projects, and sitting in on an afternoon seminar with other students currently in the program.

In my continuing survey of PhD programs I found this website on online PhD programs being offered by several US colleges. Even though it doesn't seem like something for me, I found it interesting to learn that there are opportunities to complete a doctorate without having to regularly attend campus. While online education is emerging as a viable and cost-beneficial way to complete a degree, most colleges are still focusing on traditional campus based education and the benefits that arise from in-person interaction between students and professors.

The drive to Lexington was beautiful, especially on Friday morning as I drove east toward the sunrise. Lexington itself is a quaint little town compared to Nashville, and it's set in rolling green hills neatly partitioned by the white picket fences of the horse farms for which the city has earned itself global renown. Navigating the campus of a huge state school was much different from Belmont; luckily the folk were friendly and, apparently not trusting my internal positioning system, always insisted on walking me to my destination instead of leaving me with even detailed directions.

UK's Patterson Tower - view from the walking bridge

Fall Foto Frenzy

Autumn in Nashville always inspires me to pull out my camera that's been tucked away since my return from summer travels.  I feel compelled by the beauty around me to capture a snapshot of what feels like nature's annual celebration; the trees seem to put on their best outfits and even the sky steps up to the occasion with a deep blue, cloudless background that provides incredible contrasts with the reds and golds nearer the earth. 


During October and November my point-and-shoot never leaves my purse; I keep it at an arm's length so that opportunities to soak in the Tennessee magic are never missed.
Here are some highlights from this week...

Culture Shock - Southern Style

On my many walks through campus today, on this first day of fall classes at Belmont, I realized (for the fourth or fifth time in my life) how much more intensely I feel the culture shock when re-entering my own culture than when  initially leaving it for another.  As I strolled up the newly repaved paths from my apartment in Belmont Commons to the Massey Business Center at the top of the hill, I was puzzled by the happy faces making eye contact with me as I passed and even - gasp! - smiling!?  I kept thinking, "What's going on? What do these people want from me?"  

I learned very quickly in Russia - and was reminded during that first month in Western Europe - that making eye contact isn't the proper way to conduct oneself while walking on a city street.  And smiling is simply out of the question; socially acceptable only as a kid or teenage girl, and even then - only when greeting very close friends or family. To smile at a stranger is downright provocative.

(No wonder I had a perpetual trail of Russian guys behind me those first few weeks in St. Petersburg...)

There are other things I'm still getting used to, too.  Like driving.  Everywhere.  It was nice to rediscover my personal vehicle upon my arrival in Nashville, and even nicer that I could profit from its use while moving into a new apartment. But I'm still in the habit of forecasting the day's mileage every morning when getting dressed and selecting footwear from my closet, and frankly I'd rather be out in the fresh air, using the legs God gave me - than scrunched up lethargically in a car. 

Yesterday I ran across this long-abandoned journal entry on my desktop, dated February 17th, the anniversary of my second week in St. Petersburg.  It seems that adjusting to life in Russia, though much different, wasn't that hard after all. 

February 17, 2011 

It’s amazing how quickly you can adapt to a new place and a new way of life – even a new mindset. I’ve noticed this week that I’m really getting the hang of things around here.
I don’t cringe anymore when I turn on the faucet and a stream of rust-colored water pours out. I expertly navigate sidewalks and street crossings and can spot black ice several meters away. I can pile on seven extra layers and be ready to go out in about 30 seconds flat. And I’ve learned that when I find a product from the States that I like, or think I might need in the next few weeks, I need to buy it on the spot – there’s usually only one or two on the shelf and when those are gone there’s no telling when, if ever, they might reappear.   

A prime example of the black ice of which I speak...
This photo was taken at about -18 Celcius. See the water frozen in the pipe?

Oh look! Lucky Charms!! What a find!

And they can be yours for the low price of only 
FIFTEEN US DOLLARS :)
Thank you, Russia. My grocery bill
(for one rather small person) in St. Pete was
often $80 per week - and that's just cooking at home!

"Kracks" - one example of the many foreign knock-offs
available in Russia. Usually found on the shelf alongside
their more expensive American equivalents, these knock-off
brands in their almost perfectly identical packaging can fool
some consumers. But don't be mistaken - companies like
 "Kracks" cut corners wherever possible and quality is
sacrificed in favor of bringing something to market that is
actually affordable for the middle class. 

On the positive side of culture shock, I stopped by the offices of many of my current and former professors today, and was completely overjoyed and delighted to remember how supportive and caring are the faculty at Belmont. Some have stopped me in the hall, welcomed me back, and said they loved traveling with me via my blog; others welcomed me and encouraged me to continue writing and traveling and studying. I couldn't imagine a nicer homecoming. In contrast, most of the professors that I met in Russia (and the two that now follow my blog are certainly the exception) - when I explained my research project and asked for their assistance - weren't quite so enthusiastic about helping in any way.  Only one of them really thought my project was "cool."  When I did manage to elicit any sort of support (i.e. the promise of assistance in recruiting students to complete my research survey), it was quickly squelched when the professor realized they would have to put out any effort to participate in my research...namely, reserving a half hour time slot for their students to take my online survey in the computer lab.  Honestly, it's hard to hold it against them. Things just work differently in Russia, and for all I know it could be a bureaucratic nightmare to reserve any room in any academic building.  The piles of paperwork I had to do (including a tuberculosis test, HIV test, and x-ray of my lungs) just to live in a public dorm in St. Petersburg is enough to deter me from ever pursuing such a living arrangement again.  And if you could have seen the place!  View some of the photos of my room in this blog post.

I do miss my friends in Russia, and even many aspects of life there.  But I'm certainly glad to be back at my home in Belmont, and - once I get used to it again - I'm certain the South will suit me just fine for the next few months.

My Dutch roommates, Debbie & Marlou, and myself, enjoying zakuzki (midnight snack) hosted by the friendly
Russian and Turkish guys in the adjacent room.
Sergei and Pasha (in the green jacket and white tee, respectively) were such interesting people - very curious
about our countries and lifestyles - and patient with our Russian! Even though they spoke no English whatsoever,
and at that time my Russian was pretty poor, we still communicated a lot of different ideas and became great friends.

The Efficient & Happy Traveler

In all my years of traveling, I've learned a lot of things the hard way.  But I've also honed my ability to pack a bag that will equip me to do everything from working in a professional environment to hiking any mountain I come across.  Here are a few tips from my suitcase...

Always pack a towel if you're leaving the United States. Even if you think you'll be staying in nice hotels during your entire trip, you never know when your hotel room could be coincidentally double booked.  Or you might show up in the middle of the night and not be able to take a shower because there's no one around to ask for a towel.  I recommend this one from REI -- it's a high-absorption microfiber that dries you off quick and dries out completely within an hour.  My favorite thing about it is that it's super thin and comes with a little polyester/mesh sack that packs it up the size of a thin paperback book. I bought one large one that I use for both a washcloth and towel. But they're available in many other sizes and weaves as well.

Consolidate products. Unless you have the means to hire a personal butler for the entirety of the trip, you're not going to want to lug around your whole bathroom cupboard. Picking which items to bring depends on the trip and the climate you're traveling to, but try to minimize as much as possible; creams and liquids are very heavy! Invest in one lotion that you can use as hand/body lotion, face moisturizer, and makeup remover.  I love Gold Bond's Aloe Vera lotion, but haven't found it sold anywhere outside the States.  If I have to restock while traveling, I buy Dove Intensive Nourishment Hand Cream.  Both are multi-purpose and work great! All Gold Bond products are gluten free, and most Dove products are as well.

Return to St. Petersburg

I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. Arriving in St. Petersburg for the second time has been one of the worst experiences of my life.  

The three-hour train ride from Helsinki to St. Pete was okay, but it was all downhill from there. A driver from the university was supposed to pick me up at a friends house where I was keeping my luggage. He finally arrived, but said not a word during the entire 30-minute drive across town.  My efforts to make conversation were met with silence.  

We parked in front of a few high rises and dragged my suitcases over a mud path covered with wooden planks. Walking up to the kiosk adjacent to a ten-foot high barred fence with giant turnstile gate, my driver, who apparently works for the university, silently left me and approached the counter.  He presented some papers and eventually I was let in.  Inside the fenced area are a number of buildings surrounding a grassy quad. I was led into one of them and right inside the door the driver put down my suitcase, handed some papers to the lady at the desk, and shoved a xeroxed copy of a map in my direction as he turned and headed for the door.  I started after him and began to say, "Wait, I don't know where I'm going or even where I am. You have to show me where I live."  He kept walking away from me but flung his left arm out, pointing to the desk -- obviously suggesting that I should direct my inquiries to the women there.  And without a word he was gone.  

My Mother's Biggest Regret

I found out a few weeks ago that my mother's biggest regret in raising me is having let me leave home without having learned to cook. If you ask me, it's a pretty minor issue. I mean...I'm a productive member of society, I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm getting a good education, I'm seeing the world. Even if I don't have a recipe database in my head, at least I know what good, fresh food tastes like – thanks to my mom.

But, all the same, she's taken it upon herself to further my culinary education via “distance learning” – a term many universities are using for their online courses. Every few days my inbox fills up with messages titled,

“Our dinner tonight,”
“Our dinner tomorrow night,”
“Make this as your Sunday dinner,”
“A great gluten free recipe!” ...etc.

Developing Your Child's Self-Efficacy

While sifting through studies exploring the antecedents of entrepreneurial intent, I came across some statements that might help answer questions for some parents I've talked with recently. Although the following paragraph is cited in the context of an academic study, think about how the message would fit into a more personal, developmental context -- specifically, the development of your own kids or kids you often interact with.

"Actual abilities only matter if a person has self-confidence in those abilities, and also the self-confidence that they will able to effectively convert those skills into a chosen outcome (Bandura, 1989, 1997). Evidence suggests that general self-efficacy is central to most human functioning and is based more on what people believe than on what is objectively true (Markham et al, 2002)."

I get a lot of questions from people curious as to what my parents did that triggered something that drives me to succeed -- or at least try to -- in pursuits that they claim most people my age wouldn't think about and/or wouldn't try.  There are a lot of factors here, but two seem most relevant: (1) personality traits, and (2) family orientation.  


A lot of people who hear my story say, "I wish I could get my kid to do the same thing."  I think that what these parents are most often trying to say is, "I'd love to see my teenager seek out similar opportunities," but what they usually (perhaps unknowingly) convey in their attitude and speech patterns is a disappointment in their child, or a personal doubt in their child's capability of following through with projects similar to the ones I'm tackling.   I've always felt a little saddened by conversations like this, and I think that if parents could just see themselves on film, having this conversation with me, it might give them the answer to what they perceive as their children's "under-achievement" and "lack of motivation." 

I don't think I possessed any extraordinary abilities or intelligence that made me any more capable than most other 15 year-olds to sign themselves up to study abroad.  What I did have was an inextinguishable belief that I really could do it. 
I had self-efficacy.
And according to Markham et al., this counts for a lot, because general self-efficacy is central to most human functioning and is based more on what people believe than on what is objectively true.  

"So what" that I had never flown before.  "So what" that I'd never touched a passport, much less owned one.  "So what" that the only official paperwork I'd ever filled out was an application for a Safeway Club Card.  According to Markham, my belief deep down inside that I was capable was more important than any training I might have received on how to go about studying abroad.  It's that deep down belief that would drive me to spend 100+ hours researching different organisations, perfecting application essays, and conjugating French verbs.  It's that deep down belief that led me to work three jobs for over a year and save every cent for the trip.  


So where does family fit into this?  In my opinion, parents play a big role in developing self-efficacy in their children.  You are the ones they look up to the most from a young age, so your continued attention to and support of their every hope and dream will allow for them to blossom into confident teenagers with an ability to make and achieve goals.

I think that a unique and wonderful gift to me has been the fact that my parents have never told me, "You can't..." in response to an idea I've had or a trip I've wanted to take.  They may say, "we can't afford to sponsor this trip," "we can't go with you," "we can't wait 'til you get home," but they've never said, "No way, you can't do that." Instead, their response to my (sometimes naive and crazy ambitious) new ideas has always been, "That sounds really interesting, you could do that," and sometimes, "Okay, great.  Have you also considered....?"  

Just try it.  The next time your kid proposes an idea for a project, idea, or career they're interested in, listen to them.  Support the constructive brain activity that went into crafting the concept.  Tell them they could do it!  Then let that affirmation soak in.  After you've established your approval, consider diplomatically voicing your rational concerns or suggesting some new perspectives and alternatives. This is a surefire way to support the development of self-efficacy.


I'll leave you with a last encouraging word from the researchers....

"Research...has consistently emphasized the importance of self-efficacy as a key factor in determining human agency (Bandura, 1989), and has shown that those with high self-efficacy for a certain task are more likely to pursue and persist in that task (Bandura, 1997)."

So today's take-away:  If you want your kids to study abroad, make them think they can do it!!


----------------------------------------------
Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor, nor a child psychologist.  These are theories from my own experience and observation, and I will be glad to explain them further, but you should not sue me if your own attempt to test my theories ends in disaster.

International Student Retreat 2010

In the craziness of the past few weeks I have woefully neglected my little blog.  But I have accumulated many great stories to share in the process.

Here's a snapshot from my mom's and my trip to Nashville, where she helped me move into my new dorm and, more importantly, enjoyed her first outing to Pancake Pantry, Nashville's all time favorite breakfast joint.

Munching away with my cousin Kelsey and her roommates.

Another of the highlights of the past few weeks was Belmont's International Student Retreat that I helped out with last weekend.  We drove down to White Bluff, TN -- about an hour south of Nashville -- and spent a day and a half at a "camp."  It's not proper camping, by my standards, since we sleep in cabins and eat every meal in a mess hall....but there was a low ropes course, volleyball nets, a pool -- plenty of fun opportunities for teambuilding and getting to know all the new exchange students.

We have five German girls this year: Senta, Svea, Cindy, Yana, and Elisabeth; three French students: Arthur, Laure, and Chloé; two from Hong Kong: Jimmy and Cherry; an adorable girl from Japan: Nozomi; a guy from Denmark: Ali; a girl Sydney from Canada; another guy named Jimmy, from London, and four other students from Moldova and Brasil that are in their second, third, or fourth years at Belmont.  The international student community at Belmont is small, but tight-knit.  I love having the opportunity to learn so much about different places and cultures through my foreign friends, and reciprocating in showing them America - our many cultures, traditions, and values.  I know exactly what it's like to enter a new school or country knowing nobody and barely knowing a few phrases in the local dialect.  Most of the foreign students who come to Belmont speak English quite well, but I know quite well the implications of the lost, dazed look on a few of their faces.  So reaching out and befriending them - especially those that are struggling with the language barrier - is a huge goal of mine.  Since coming back from the retreat last weekend, I don't think I've eaten a meal in the caf without at least one of them in tow :)

Belmont International Student Retreat 2010

Sometimes, in life, you meet a person who shares the same enthusiasm and passion that you have for a particular topic, goal, or hobby.  I've learned over the past few years to really treasure my time with these people, because you never know when a change in circumstances might see them drift right out of your daily life.  I recently met one of these people - Jimmy, from London.  We must have spent over 20 hours talking this past weekend on the retreat.  We've discussed traveling, religion, politics, philosophy, history, languages, cultures....the list goes on and on.  Our beliefs certainly differ in many ways, but I think it's our shared enthusiasm for learning and exploring, as well as a genuine respect and eagerness to understand each other's beliefs and values, that makes our friendship work.

It was really hard for me to make friends during my first semester at Belmont, back in 2008. The last few years of my life I had spent overseas, and during that specific period -- age 16 to 18 -- is when you really start to solidify who you are.  Thus, your experiences during that time become wholly integrated into your personality and the way you understand the world.  So, naturally, every new experience is going to be judged or compared to a recent similar experience you've had.  For me, the new experiences I was having in Nashville all related back to people, places, and events I had encountered during my time overseas.

Americans don't have as many opportunities to travel internationally as many citizens of other countries, so our slightly isolationist attitude can't be judged too harshly.  But with this lack of travel and exposure to other cultures comes a sort of fascination mixed with jealousy of people who do travel often.  I've found that this reaction is especially pervasive among young Americans.  And so by simply trying to find common ground and share my life experiences in the process of making friends, I found that some students here at Belmont were a little put off by my lack of "American-ness."  I felt that some were jealous that I had gotten to travel, and others were tired of hearing about my life experiences in other places and cultures.  It was just difficult.  I had become so much a different person than I was when I had left Oregon at age 16, so it's not like I could just try to remember and pull out some experiences from back home that would aptly describe my interests or personality.  My character is a conglomeration of all these different places and cultures; it's not a fad - it's just me.

So, with that in mind, imagine how I felt when I met Jimmy, whose first words to me were, "Wait, so you're from Oregon.  So why are you on the International Student Retreat?"  Of course I had to explain, and of course we discovered in about ten minutes that between the two of us we had covered every continent and most of the countries on them.  He had even more exotic stories than I did...I think I was listening to one about monkeys coming down out of the Amazon trees and drinking his beer when I decided that we were going to be very good friends.  It was like I was free again to be myself, to share the stories that are a little too "out there" for most American students.  All in all I had so much fun that weekend, and my days are now full of fun new facts that I learn from my foreign friends!

The Tooth Fund

My parents have been so gracious about helping me transition into all the financial responsibilities that come with leaving the nest and starting my own adult life.  They still cover my cell phone (thanks to my sneaking onto the "Family Plan" before leaving to college) as well as auto and health insurance, and they take care of pretty much all my expenses while I'm home during the summer.  But last year was a big step in this transitional process of breaking away financially: I started to take on my own dental expenses. 

And I've come to the conclusion that this very well could be the best thing that ever happens to my teeth.  I have adopted an entirely new approach to tooth care; I think about my teeth all the time.  And I've become a steady three-times-daily brusher.  I floss every night, and I'm religious about using the tongue scraper and those little metal dental picks that you can use to check for any remaining plaque on your teeth.  I've noticed that I pay attention more to how much sugar I eat, and I've started to feel anxious about brushing my teeth after eating a treat.  


I hope I'm not making this sound like an obsession -- don't worry, it's not.  I'm just more aware of those little white fixtures in my mouth because I've realized their power to drain my pocketbook!  I've been blessed with a great set of chompers -- they grew in straight without braces, not too big or too small, they seem to be pretty stain-resistant, and most of my molars even have four roots (something my dentist says is pretty rare).  I've had exactly one cavity in my life up till now, and now that I'm having to budget for dental work and draw from my Tooth Fund to get a few small ones filled, I've found myself becoming more gung-ho about preventative measures.  


It makes me wonder what other small facets of life will become more significant as I take on more and more of those obscure living costs to which kids are oblivious.